John V

BA Theater Arts Studies ('13)

Describe your BYU experience

I really enjoyed my BYU experience - however, as a cis man who had an easy time passing, I experienced privilege not available to many of my queer classmates. I was in a liberal major in the HFAC, which is a place where all the misfits of BYU hang out, and I had a keep-your-head-down mentality which helped keep me out of trouble and below the administration's radar.

Describe your experience post-BYU

After BYU I fell into a job where I had my first real mentor, who was another queer BYU grad. He really helped me transition into the workforce and I am eternally grateful for everything I learned under his guidance. I'm now working in small business and nonprofits, and I married my boyfriend of 2 years earlier this summer.

What advice or wisdom would you share with a current LGBTQ+ BYU student?

Looking back, I wish I had been more willing to participate in the queer community that was available to me as a student. I was primarily concerned with not getting kicked out of BYU and finishing my degree - however, I let that concern keep me from connecting with USGA, which I can now see was a mistake. That being said, going to BYU as a queer Mormon is a uniquely traumatic experience, and I support anything you may need to do to get through it.

Are there any other thoughts or experiences you’d like to share?

Learning to decatastrophize potential risks has been the most helpful tool I've learned in years of therapy. As queer Mormons, there are risks we have to face everyday - familial risk, workplace risk, societal risk, etc. Everyone's risk levels are different based on the situation you are in. However, learning to analyze these risks accurately, without letting your own cognitive fears and anxieties blow them out of proportion, is a skill I've found invaluable. If it possible for you, I'd highly recommend finding a therapist well versed in cognitive behavioral therapy who can help you learn and practice this skill.

Posted January 2020