Clark R

BYU, BS in Biology Teaching

BYU, PhD in Counseling Psychology

What was your coming out experience like?

I started coming out, it was a very gradual process, it happened in small stages. The first time I ever talked to someone about my attractions to men was actually on my mission with my mission president in the exit interview. [He] straight-up asked me if I was attracted to guys, which I owned, and I was like, “Yeah, I am, I’m not acting on it. I don’t feel like it’s an issue at this point, but that is real.” It wasn’t my favorite way to have the conversation, and I don’t know if I was necessarily ready for it, but I’m glad that it started the ball rolling. And so, I came out then and since then, things have shifted in ways, and it’s been in stages as I’ve felt comfortable with myself and comfortable with my support system, but I’ve done it in my way, that I wanted to do it, so that’s one thing I’ve really liked about my own coming out process.

Why did you choose to go to BYU?

Well, the first time was a mixture of things. One, because it kind of felt like the thing I was supposed to do. When I was making that decision at the time I was in the space of trying to do the right thing, and BYU and Utah is the right thing. So, that was one reason, and also they had a great ballroom dance program that I wanted to be part of.

I chose BYU a second time because I really did have a great experience at BYU, the first time. There were a lot of aspects of the university that I loved and wanted to be a part of. I kind of wanted to just be a part of that again and pay it forward. And I do definitely love BYU, something about it that is special and unique that I don’t think you can find very many other places. I love that part of that.

Advice for current students?

Try and own your own space. Like, there’s going to be pressure on every side of this. There’s going to be pressure from the church, there’s going to be pressure from BYU, there’s going to be pressure from the LGBT community. There’s going to be pressure from friends, family, roommates, whoever, but they don’t get to decide how you do this. You do. And do what works for you in the way you want to do it. That’s hard to do. And sometimes there’s not a lot of choice with that. Like, at BYU with Honor Code. There’s definitely some things that, if you choose, there’s consequences. But trying to live your truth and own that truth, it is so valuable, and getting to that space where you’re able to do that…means the world to me, and I think makes the biggest difference.

When or why did you eventually leave BYU?

I was ready to be done with BYU just because I was sick of the pressure that was there that was so closely tied to my degree. I was constantly on edge and worried that if someone interpreted something the wrong way, that I was going to lose the opportunity to have a license and my PhD, and so I was ready to get out and to kind of feel more comfortable in my own space without that risk.

How have you rediscovered your spirituality?

I went to Texas for a year, and I was able to really settle into my version of spirituality instead of BYU’s version of spirituality, which I loved. It just was the fact that I was able to find it and own it for myself without risk or threat that I loved, and then, I was able to come back to Utah and own it and not feel like that was being forced on me or there were pressures pushing me to be a certain way, but I could actually be myself. If I feel like something doesn’t fit, I get the chance to look at it, I get to take it back to my own thoughts and my own mindfulness or payers, meditation, and just see, do I like this, do I not? Does this match with what I feel God is or believes? And so, that piece alone is so valuable and meaningful to me that I don’t have to put a definition around it, which is great. I don’t have to subscribe to any set way of doing things. I get to decide what works and what I feel to be true.

Answers to the questions are transcribed from Clark’s video interview and lightly edited for clarity. The transcription does not cover the entire video.

Posted February 2022